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Hey Fearless Friend!

Today on Stay Fearless or Die Trying:

1. Loren Gray has 53 million TikTok followers at age 22. She’s on Dare To Be Fearless this week…scroll down to watch and listen. We go over topics like how to monetize your business as a creator, how to start a business in the saturated market of influencing, getting scammed by managers and, much more.

2. Small talk sucks. Whether you’re the one who is creating it or responding to it, there’s some tricks to doing it better.

3. Black Friday at Chief Swag is looking extra good, especially when you use the promo code BLACKFRIDAY (through Cyber Monday). Shop now here.

4. I’m on the news…in Finland?

Stay fearless or die trying,

Alexa

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SMALL TALK.

feels like a major waste of my time. Anyone else? I was at a dinner 2 weeks ago in Libson, and let me say that making small talk to someone who is slightly boring or gives nothing back to the conversation is like throwing gum at a wall…but the gum isn’t sticky enough to stick, so it just keeps falling off the wall.

You’re trying hard to understand either a) what this person is saying to you or b) how to engage with someone struggling to converse. Should you jump to talking about topics like politics, friends, or family when you’re out with a bunch of people or bored of a conversation? Or keep it neutral and waste your time when you could be reading a nice book instead, alone?

If you’re in a situation like I was in Lisbon, where there’s no escaping the dinner and you can’t be rude (obviously), what are you supposed to do?

HOW TO HANDLE SMALL TALK:

According to my new fav author (and fellow Brit) Catherine Blyth:

“Going to a party on your own is the social equivalent of parachuting in behind enemy lines in the dead of night, only far more dangerous. What if no one wants to talk to you? “At a house party, hand round food and drink and you have a ready-made subject. Or catch their eye, smile, then comment on something in the room: the decor, drink, music, guests – but don’t criticize.” Instead of trying to impress immediately with witty barbs and thus putting performance pressure on yourself, Ms. Blyth has a simple formula for keeping a conversation going, “It’s a bit pat, but it works: take two observations about where you are and then weave in something relevant to that person, and add a question to the end of it.”

The most flattering part of any conversation is someone who is fully present.

While I was at a conference in Helsinki, someone acknowledged how nice my fingers were while we were talking.

Seems strange, right?

It was, and he was, endearing for a few reasons:

It made me know he was very engaged in our conversation to notice something so specific.

He wasn’t acknowledging something about my body that could be taken out of context (for example, acknowledging someone’s blouse is nicer than acknowledging their legs or hips) because if you mention something about someone’s body parts that could be taken out of context (i.e. women are usually insecure about their features like their stomach or their legs, etc.) they may start overthinking every element of the conversation.

Small talk is all about reading the room.

Ms Jennie Jerome, Sir Winston Churchill’s mother, once made this comparison between Mr Benjamin Disraeli with his great rival Mr William Gladstone: “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.” And that’s the effect you’re striving for.

When you’re dealing with small talk, you need to remember that people just want to be seen. Some people are better at instigating the talking while others are better at doing the listening, but you don’t need to perform. If you feel like you need to perform during a conversation, you aren’t reading the room properly. Just be yourself, quiet or not quiet, listen, and ask specific questions that can casually open someone up who otherwise may be afraid of talking about themselves.

You’re better off leaving that person alone than being the star of the show.

WHAT ELSE I READY DAILY:

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